I just read this in a magazine; A recent study has found long-term marriage can cause men to drink less and women to drink more. Duh! The following scenario could have been part of the study. Last night for dinner I made Burgers, Sweet Potato Fries and salad. As we were eating I noticed The Saint had 2 slices of leftover pizza as a side. Really? When I asked him what was up with the pizza he replied “I just feel like it” . That’s nice because I just feel like flipping this table over like a Real Housewife of New Jersey and smushing the pizza in your face but I will have a drink instead. Reason #1, 678 I drink and my marriage has lasted this long.
After rolling out of bed this morning and assessing the damage done by 5 days of marathon eating I decided that it would be both beneficial and wise to get my fat a** to Zumba. Princess Pissy Pants heard me groaning as I was getting dressed into my Zumba clothes and asked if I was going to class. When I told her I was she mumbled ” What the hell, I am not hungover I might as well go with you”. Nice. I am so proud of her and I think she just made up a new slogan.
“It’s Sunday Morning and You are not Hung Over? What the Hell Come to Zumba Class!”.
Some people (Eduardo) are giving me grief for putting my tree up too early. I agree that Christmas decorations in the stores before Halloween and music on the radio before Thanksgiving are wrong but It’s never too early for my Christmas Tree and there are only two reason why; the ornaments and during the toddler years, my sanity.We started putting up our Christmas tree when the kids were little. It was actually an act derived form sheer desperation. Marissa and Mario would get so excited for Thanksgiving dinner and be so happy to see everyone, eat, play and add to the chaos that when the day started to slow down they were still going full speed. It might have had something to do with all the pie they had eaten. So one Thanksgiving, I can not remember which one, I said “I know, let’s decorate” and a new tradition was born. In hindsight I should have said “I know, you two run around outside and Mommy will drink” but I was all hopped up on Stove Top stuffing and not thinking clearly.
As they got older and we had collected more and more ornaments for the tree the tradition became even more special. Every ornament unwrapped and hung was like visiting a cherished memory or a great vacation. The kids would get so excited to see the ornaments they had made through the years. They enjoyed finding the vacation ornaments and reminiscing about the trips we had taken. I let Marissa pick out the star on top of our tree when she was 2 years old. Again, in hindsight I should have waited until she was out of her twinkle,glittery, everything has to sparkle stage but every time I think about replacing it with something a little more shall we say less “Ghetto” I see her sweet little face the first time she saw it FLASHING on top of the tree. It remains. Our tree is far form perfect and has many imperfections… kind of like us…. but I would not change a thing. I love our tree.
My favorite ornaments. The photo on the left are ornaments made by Marissa and Mario. Riss made the silver macaroni one in Kindergarten. Mario made the Gingerbread Man. He has been missing a leg for years.Treasures. I have put the name cards in the photo on the right on the tree every year since 1987 when The Saint and I got married. We attended a party the weekend we got back from our honeymoon and it was the first time I had seen my married name on something. The noisemakers are from the first New Years Eve we spent together in 1985. I think that may have been the first and last year The Saint took me out on New Years Eve. The elf ornaments were bought for the tree the years Marissa and Mario were born. I love our tree.
1. Watch the parade. I love the parade. My happiest parade memories were spent at my Grandparents house with my sisters sitting in my Grandfather’s rocking chair because I “called it first”. I LOVE the parade.
2.Only eat one pumpkin spice waffle because I am “saving” room for later.
3. Start thinking about making the Stove Top stuffing.
4. Get dressed but only into leggings and a loose top. Gotta keep it simple in the stark, plain “Pilgrim” style and comfortable for eating.
5. Get the boxes of Stove Top stuffing out of the cupboard and put them on the counter. It’s best to ease into the “cooking” mode.
6. Think about doing laundry, paying bills or cleaning the bathroom but remember the no cleaning on a holiday or a snow day rule.
7. Watch the news and only listen to the travel reports and the stories about Black Friday. Chuckle to yourself because Black Friday is for amateurs. Switch over to the Hallmark Channel. Holiday Movies!
8. Call family and friends and tell them how Thankful you are to have them in my life and then remind them my Christmas list is finished.
9. Spend the last 15 minutes before dinner slaving over the hot stove making making not one, not two but THREE boxes of Stove Top stuffing.
10. Count my many blessings beginning with my family and ending with my friends that have become family.
I have 3 sisters and they are my everything. Jimi,George and Andi. Yes, I have sisters not brothers and no my Dad did not want boys. When my Dad first met my Mom he thought she resembled a 12 year old boy and nicknamed her Jimi. When they fell in love and got married he told her that their first baby, no matter what gender, would be named Jimi. My grandparents gave her the nickname Gigi because they loved the musical and she was such a little lady. George’s real name is Georjan which is a combination of both my parents names, George and Janet. Her nickname is Masty which is pretty self explanatory. Just kidding. Legend has it when she was little she was being fresh and my Mom told her she was acting nasty which greatly upset her. My Grandfather asked her why she was upset and she stomped her little foot, crossed her arms and declared “I’m Masty”. It stuck. Andi’s real name is Andria. She only started using her full name as a grownup (last week) so I am sometimes confused when I hear people refer to her as Andria. She will always be Andi to me mo matter how fancy or grownup she becomes. Her nickname is Pussycat. Guess who was the favorite? I used to think Tom Jones write the song “What’s New Pussycat” just for her. I am named after my grandparents, Janet and Marcell. My Mom’s name is Janet and Marissa’s middle name is Janessia which is Janet in Italian and was my grandmothers name until she came to the United States and became Janet. I love being named after my grandparents. My nickname is Mrs. Skunk which despite what my sisters may tell you had nothing to do with my diapers. My Godfather, Uncle Joe, gave me a skunk stuffed animal when I was born and it had dimples in it’s face which I did as well so he dubbed me Mrs. Skunk. Pussycat has had a field day with my nickname when she is not calling me Roley Moley Poley. Nice. So Jimi, George, Janet and Andi. 4 of a kind. I love my sisters with boys names. The end.
Ugh! Today is Monday and I do not know what to wear to work today. I wish I could just pull something out of my closet, put it on and head out the door, Not going to happen. Whatever I finally and painfully decide to wear has to meet some pretty tough criteria,
1. It most likely has to be black. I am not trying to be Gothic or Rock and Roll I am just going with black is slimming..
2. I would prefer elastic waistbands but if I have to have a zipper and button it has to be comfortable. I have to be able to fit at least a finger into the waistband preferably two.
3. If the waistband fits comfortably they can not be baggy in the legs or butt. Not an easy fit. My favorites at the moment are Lands’ End and Mossimo.
4. I always prefer ankle length or cropped which made my Father in Law ask me once “Why are your pants always too short?”.
5. Once the bottoms are decided on it’s time to pick a top. Don’t get me started. One side of the school can be freezing and the other side sweltering so you have to dress accordingly. Plus I carry the books to the classroom in bins so I have to be able to move around without anything pulling or tugging. Also I have to take “the girls” into consideration. I do work in an elementary school and do not want to frighten small children.
6. I also do lunch duty and I have yet to master how to open those stupid little ketchup packets or put the straw in a Capri Sun so I am usually covered in ketchup and juice. I do not want to ruin anything good.
7. Once I have the top (usually a black sweater) it’s time to chose the shoes. I have bad knees and planter fasciitious. Pretty. Sometimes I wear one of my many pairs of pretty shoes but like an old lady I have to bring a comfy pair to change into.
8. Over the last 4 years I have been told by the students on different occasions that I am fluffy (code word for fat), dress like a man, always wear the same clothes (which is not true but everything I own is black!), have yellow teeth and was having a bad hair day so even though they are 5-11 years old I am trying to dress to impress. They are brutally honest and aren’t they adorable, Not.
9. The students wear uniforms. I think the staff should as well. I will pick it. It will be black and it will resemble my weekend cleaning outfit. With slippers.
10. Wish me luck. Headed to look into my closet now………..
The Noise in my head.
P.S. Can you tell by closet that I worked at The Gap for 15 years. I mastered the perfect fold!
My beautiful Mom………… The not so beautiful 80’s…..
Thank you to everybody that said I looked pretty in my wedding pictures (there were two of you but I am going with it) which reminds me of a joke my Grandfather, Hon, always liked to tell. “If every bride is beautiful where do all the ugly wives come from?”. That joke used to just kill him. Anyhow, I wanted to wear my Mother’s wedding dress. It was made for her and absolutely gorgeous. She weighed about 100 pounds when she got married and I did not so we tried to find a dress that duplicated hers. Headpiece and all. I was happy with my dress but when I look at our pictures side by side she looks absolutely timeless and classic and I look like an extra from the movie “The Wedding Singer”. Epic Fail.
I am not a Doctor but I do watch a lot of Grey’s Anatomy so I am pretty confident in diagnosing myself with the Plague. I have a fever, the chills, headache, stuffy nose, scratchy throat and a really bad attitude. It’s the Plague. Since I am never sick I am going to allow just this one day to feel lousy and stay in bed. I will be needing the following.
1. A heating pad and my body pillow named Drooly (don’t ask).
2. Kleenex. The good kind.
3. All the Quils. Day and Night.
4. My computer,phone and remote all within arms reach.
5. My magazines (especially the new People with Channing Tatum as the Sexiest Man Alive on the cover), book and journal within my other arms reach.
6. Lester Holt to keep me company.
7.Oatmeal with butter and brown sugar. The real kind not the kind that comes in a pouch and you add water.
8. My wallet in case I feel well enough to do a little online shopping.
9. To be referred to as “The Patient” not Mom.
10. What I really need is my Mom.
The Noise in my Head. (Which really hurts today!).