Monthly Archives: September 2013

Dad #3

Dad #3

Dad #3

My thoughts will not turn off. The Noise in my head is deafening.

What I am thinking right now is how very grateful I am for my friends, I have been blessed. I know I learned about friends from my Dad. He had the best of friends and was a good friend. At least I hope I got that from him. I know I got his nose and his receding gums (thanks Dad). My Dad had lifelong friends and he worked hard at keeping them in his life no matter where he was or how busy he night have been. I am thinking of people like Joe Romano, Nick Naples, Marc Aquino, Jen Jowdy, Trebor, Bill Liss, Guy Stark, Jack Whitmore, Alan Lane…the list goes on and on. His friends that became Family.

My friends are my chosen family as well,and I am forever grateful. I have never been more thankful for my friends then I have been in the last 2 weeks. My friends have been my lifeline.

My friends have come to visit me even when I thought I did not want to see anyone.They were right and even though I was not pretty they didn’t run out of the house screaming.

My friends have brought me dinner, lunch, fruit (I ate it!) , cupcakes, donuts (Dad’s favorite), flowers, Nutella, cookies, candles, a Tiara and 6 bags of Candy Corn!

Some friends drive 2 1/2 hours to bring you a tiara and have lunch with you at Kelly's. Thank You Dawn and Kathleen. xoxo
Some friends drive 2 1/2 hours to bring you a tiara and have lunch with you at Kelly’s. Thank You Dawn and Kathleen. xoxo

My friends have sent the most beautiful cards and Mass Cards. Dad would have loved the Mass Cards.

My friends have cried with me.

My friends have held my hand and not said a word.

My friends have listened to my stories about Dad again and again and again.

My friends have sent me texts every day just to “Check In”.

Thank You Toni.

Thank You Toni.

My friends have been mean to me when I asked them to do so. Janeen, Lauren, Andrew and Natalie have done an exceptionally good job!

My friends have honored Dad with donations in his name.

My friends have not judged me in my grief.

My friends have asked me “What can I do?” and when I have said “Nothing, there is nothing just Thank You” they have hugged me and that was more than enough.

My Friends have laughed with me and made me forget for a bit that my Dad is not here.

Friends have brought Nutella. Thank You Marguerite.

Friends have brought Nutella. Thank You Marguerite.

One friend has called me Skunk and he knows how much that means to me without me even having to say a word.

When I say that I know how selfish I am being, that I am not the first daughter to lose their father they remind me that if was MY FATHER and it is unique to me.

My friends have shared their memories and stories of my Dad and I love that he loved my friends just as much as I do. I love that their memories are woven into mine. Dad celebrating Jen’s Birthday with her, taking Sara Jane and me to the Hampshire House for dinner and letting each of us order two desserts apiece, taking Gina and me on his boat and letting us steer the boat right into the waves causing his camera to bounce out and into the ocean (he did not yell even though we knew he was mad), telling Kim that she could be one of the sisters, attending the annual Olive Street parade at Deb’s house, visiting me in Boston and going dancing at one of my favorite Gay bars where he met and then introduced me to someone that became a life long friend. I remember that night so well.

Dad: “Skunk, come here and  meet this great guy I just met. He’s the Bartender.”

Me:” Dad, that’s great but I dont think he is interested in me, remember where we are.”

Dad: ” He’s a great guy. You can never have too many friends and a Bartender is good friend to have”

And he was right, and I love Kevin and I never had to pay a cover to Manray’s again!

And Dad continues to bring new friends into my life. Dee’s cousin’s daughter, Katelyn (got that?) reached out to me through Facebook after Dad’s surgery. I had met her once 11 years ago when she was 10. It was such a lifeline. She and her Mom kept us informed on what was happening in Atlanta. We felt so far away. When we got there they embraced us with their love and kindness.Since I have left Atlanta Katelyn has sent me the sweetest texts and messages. She has been such a gift. Another gift from my Dad.

Dad adored Katelyn and so do I
Dad adored Katelyn and so do I

I just walked into the kitchen and saw that it was almost 10:30. My heart stopped. 10:30,  time for my Dad’s weekly phone call. Then I heard my phone with a text. It was Katelyn making Dad’s weekly call.

Lauren knows I love cupcakes.

Lauren knows I love cupcakes.

 

I am forever grateful for my friends.

I apparently have really bad food issues. At some point I should really seek help.

Are you tired of me talking about my Dad?

I miss my Dad.

Dad #2

Dad #2

kinderMy Dad loved the McKinley School. He had visited the school many times when Marissa and Mario were students there and attended as many events as he could. After I was lucky enough to begin working there he was always interested in what I was reading, what we were doing in Drama Club and he especially loved hearing stories about the students. When he was here last March he came to visit one of the Kindergarten classes. He loved meeting the students and spending some time with them. It was a short visit but he definitely made an impression.

I had asked my coworkers not to be nice to me when I returned to school after his death. They very kindly were mean. I obviously could not make the same request of the students and many of them told me they were sorry for my loss. This was my favorite conversation.

First Grader (who met Dad when she was a kindergartener): “Mrs. Cimmino, I am sorry your Daddy died”.

Me: “Thank you. I am sad too.”

First Grader: “He had white hair, right?”.

Me: “Yes, he did.”

First Grader: ” I remember meeting him, He said I was smart and pretty”.

Me: ” You are smart and pretty.”

First Grader: ( with hand on hip) ” I know! Your Daddy told me that!”.

And she skipped away.

I love my job.

I miss my Dad.

Dad

Dad
So handsome.

So handsome.

The Noise in my head is full of Dad. I can not stop thinking about my Dad. I see and hear my Father everywhere and it hurts. There are so many things I want to remember but it has been too painful to write in my journal. I have not written since Sept. 14. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without making an entry. So, I am making lists. Lists usually comfort me, this one does not. I miss him.

Six days. It has been six days since my Father died. I hate saying died. I hate saying passed away and I hate saying we lost him. Since he has died it is those of us he left behind that are at a loss. I also hate saying left behind because if you knew my Dad at all he would never have left anyone of us behind, especially his family. Six days, it has only been six days.

I do know that I am not the only one that has ever had to deal with this. I am not unique. I know that all of you have felt this sadness and pain and I am sorry you had to go through this as well. It’s just that it was my Dad, ya know? It hurts.

What does help is knowing how loved he was. So many people loved and admired him. He was “That Guy” that everyone wanted to spend time with. Everyone loved him and knew that being in his presence would be fun and something special. I loved sharing hm with my friends.

It also helps that my sisters and I always knew how lucky we were. We never took my Dad or the time we had with him for granted.

Whenever my Dad drove in a parking garage he automatically became James Bond. It was scary and fun at the same time. Scary fun!

He always ordered his Martini’s with 4 olives so we each could have one.

He loved to dance.

He loved to grill.

He loved Costco and would introduce himself to all the people giving out samples. He would say things like “Hello, I am George and we are going to be seeing a lot of each other.”

Brooks made this for Dad. So great.

Brooks made this for Dad. So great.

Dad loved everything having to do with The Rat Pack. He was “Rat Pack Cool”.

He loved Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Sitting with him in the hospital room was surreal but at the same time a gift. His last gift to me while he was on this earth.

It makes me so incredibly sad that I will never hear him call me Skunk again,

That being said I have saved some of his phone messages. I wonder if I will ever be able to play them again. Maybe? Just to hear him say Skunk.

I so wish he could have been here to see his Jakey Boom Boom marry Lil Bit. He would have loved to dance at their wedding.

I really thought my Super Hero Dad would be ok. I truly believed we would have him for another 10 years or so.

He would have hated being sick.

He hated being sick.

His first procedure was on July 10th. He died on Sept. 17.  69 days. Just 69 days.

I hate cancer.

My astrological sign is Cancer. Dad’s was Leo. He loved being a lion but he was really a pussy cat, which is Andi’s nickname. Funny.

I loved Dancing with dad and holding his hand.

I loved Dancing with dad and holding his hand.

I love that my Dad held your hand so tightly when he danced with you. I liked holding onto his hand.

Marissa brought home her first Business Cards today and my first thought was to call him. He would have been so proud. Shit.

I just swore. He hated when I swore. He sent me to my room when I was 21 years old for using unladylike language.

I heard my Dad swear for the first time after he had been diagnosed with Cancer. It broke my heart and shocked me at the same time.

My Dad loved the Mini Series “John Adams”. Brooks can perfectly imitate him telling her about it. Too funny.

Maybe I can ask her to call me and imitate him saying Skunk.

My stress eating has reached a new level. Its stress binge eating which is funny because when he was in the hospital I could not eat a thing.

My Dad called me every Saturday morning at 10:30. I usually spoke to him a few times during the week but knew for sure I would hear from him on Saturday mornings at 10:30. Katelyn text me last Saturday. I hope she texts me every Saturday. Hint Hint.

My Dad went to church all the time. I always reminded him to pray for me. He always did. Who is going to pray for me now? Maybe he has a direct line for prayer where he is. I hope so.

My Dad always wore white socks. He also liked his pants a little bit on the short side. We always teased him.

Once when I was working at The Gap I sent him his favorite jeans in size 34×34 instead of 34×32 and hoped he would not notice. He sent them back.

Dad loved photographs. We usually had to check his briefcase after a visit because he liked to ‘Borrow” photos he might have seen around the house.

Immortalized forever at Bones.

Immortalized forever at Bones.

Dad and Dee were introduced by the owner of Bones in Atlanta. The are forever remembered there by caricatures on the wall. I love that.

I am devastated that his no longer here.

I miss him.

 

Super Hero

Super Hero

I can not sleep. I am hoping that my Dad has all of his super powers with him today. The same super powers he used to chase the monsters out from under my bed and make the traffic light magically turn from red to green just by blowing on it. He definitely has all of my love and prayers. Get it done Dad! I love you.

Problem Solved…….

Problem Solved…….

Ok, I think I solved my weight gain problem. From now on I want to be carried around like Cleopatra on a litter. I think that is what it was called. I have discovered when I am in the supine position I look more rubenesque and less like a baby hippo. It also makes my double chin disappear. The only problem I have in the reclining position is the girls are headed every which way (usually by my ears)  but I am thinking a really good bra could solve that problem. Now, the only question is who should carry my litter?

I could wear my crown!

I could wear my crown!

Grateful…………..

Grateful…………..

heartRight at this very moment I am feeling so extraordinarily grateful and I am not really sure why. Though my blessings are abundant lately bad news has been crashing into my family like a tsunami. I think I better make a list of the things I am grateful for while my heart is bursting with them. I do love a list.

I am grateful for my friends. I am abundantly blessed with a diverse, loving and fun group of friends. I appreciate and cherish every single one of you.

I am grateful for the last few beautiful days and the hint of Autumn that they bring.

I am grateful for the gorgeous breeze coming  through my window.

I am grateful that I found a dress to wear to Meghan’s wedding.

I am grateful to be ale to celebrate Meghan and Nathaniel’s wedding.

I am grateful to celebrate the impending arrival of Bianca’s baby,

I am grateful for occasions to celebrate like weddings and babies being born.

I am grateful that there is cake at these celebrations.

I am grateful that I was in Mystic this weekend.

I am grateful that I say “I love you” a lot,

I am grateful that the second Hunger Games movie is coming out soon,

I am grateful that today I saw people I greatly admire and have not seen in awhile. It was lovely to spend time with them.

I am grateful I know some pretty amazing people.

I am grateful that I can sleep in tomorrow.

I am grateful that I got the parents I got. Thank goodness they are mine.

I am grateful for medical marvels and the talented Doctors and Nurses that create healing.

I am grateful that I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking.

I am grateful that I have my sisters.

I am grateful all things pumpkin flavored have hit the stores.

I am grateful a new episode of the White Queen is on tonight.

I am grateful that Missy and Jennifer text me all day long.

I am grateful that Andi is having an amazing 50th  celebration. Really, I am!

I am forever grateful for this beautiful night.

I am NOT grateful that I feel and look like Violet Beauregard but that is a post for another day and really with all my blessings who am I to complain?

First Day!

First Day!
Triple P and her first paycheck out of college!

Triple P and her first paycheck out of college!

Princess Pissy Pants starts her big girl job today. I am so very proud of her. She has worked hard to get to this milestone but I can not help but I think of her on her first day of Kindergarten. It seems like just a moment ago.I know that she is ready for this job, she has been preparing for it the last 2 years, but I know it is not always going to be a smooth journey so I am offering her this advice.Keep in mind that since the age of six she has been more mature than me and has had a job since her Junior year of High School but I still want to get some of the noise out of my head.

Riss,

As you begin your career please keep a few things in mind…..

Play nice with your co workers. Not all of them will be nice but as long as you treat them as you wish to be treated, do your job and don’t engage in office gossip it will be their issue not yours.

Do not steal office supplies. Not cool.

Be on time.

Dress professionally. (Stay out of my closet!)

That is funny because I do not think I own any “Professional” clothes but none the less stay out of my closet!

When your Boss asks you to participate in team building activities do not suggest a Beer Pong team .

Do not eat anybody’s  food out of the refrigerator. Remember Ross.

Cross your T’s and dot your I’s. I am not really sure what this means. Grandpa always use to say it to me. I think it means double-check your work.

Since your job requires driving never go below half a tank of gas in your car.

Never throw a coworker under the bus.

This is the face Princess Pissy Pants makes when you ask her to do something.

This is the face Princess Pissy Pants makes when you ask her to do something.

When your Boss asks you to do something do not make this face and give her the same attitude you give me when I ask you to put the laundry in the dryer.

Do not ask what time is recess or when is Spring Break. Those days have passed.

When you do get vacation time….Take vacation! Do not spend it doing the things that never get done. Go, Enjoy, Have Adventures! Do not put it off until a better time or you have more money, that “time” does not exist. Go. Now.

Save money from every paycheck. You will thank me later.

That being said, treat yourself every once in a while You work hard.

Do not be “That Girl” in the office unless you want to be That Girl like Marlo Thomas, that would be OK with me.

You have known what you wanted to do for a long time and that makes me happy. Knowing that you like what you do will make your “Job” more enjoyable. I wish you a long and successful career but remember it is what you do not who you are.

I love you.

Mom