I have made the Executive decision (I am the Boss of me) that I am going to do nothing today. But since I am slightly OCD I am going to make a list of all the things I am and I am not going to do today. This is going to be good.
1. I am going to stay in my pajamas and robe until at least noon. I hope nobody comes over because I do not have “cute” PJ’s and a robe. I look like a refugee in my sleep clothes. Think Mrs. Doubtfire.
2. I am going to have 2 Iced Coffee’s and I am going to have crushed ice in both of them.
3. I am going to play on the computer.
4. I am going to read.
5. I am going to write in my journal (I am behind a few days) and write on this blog.
6. I am going to keep the TV on all day but not really watch it,
7. I am going to listen to my Catching Fire CD when the TV is muted. I love this song.
8. I am going to finish eating the Christmas cookies.
9. I am going to call Andi and Debbie.
10. I am going to shop online. I am still looking for a TV console or whatever you call it for the new TV which I still have not bought because it scares the hell out of me. Buying a TV should not be this hard.
11. I love watching TV.
12. I am not going to do laundry.
13. I am not going to pay bills.
14. I am going to read all my Christmas cards again and again and again before I say goodbye to them.
15. I am going to read my magazines.
16. I am going to clean out my DVR.
17. I am not going to cook.
18. Do you like this or this? I know they are two totally different looks but I like them both. Remember, it is a very small space.
19. If I get the shuttered one I need all new pillows which means more shopping and more decisions which is a blessing and a curse in disguise.
20. What do you think Oprah Winfrey is doing today?
21. I am going to try not to think about the nightmare the Callahan Tunnel closing is going to create. Hey! I have an idea! Let’s build a Casino right dab in the middle of all that mess. Who doesn’t love traffic, traffic and more traffic!!?!?
22. It’s 11:03 and I am still in my PJ’s but I hear The Thinker stirring and I want to beat him to the shower.
23. I am going to count my blessings.
25. Think about how much I hate snakes. They just showed a snake on TV.
25. What are you going to do?
Lately I have been craving this Dill Pickle Relish. I can not get enough of it. I know I could not possibly be pregnant but none the less, because it is the season of miracles, I am grateful that there are not Three Wise Men following me or a star above my head!
Eating my sandwich, watching The Little House on the Prairie episode when the children get lost in a blizzard, wrapping presents and not being stalked by Three Wise Men. It is a Christmas Miracle!
I know I keep doing this. I know I keep writing and thinking about Dad but there are just so many things that bring me right back to missing him without even trying. Today is opening night of the school play. My first waking thoughts were of all that still needs to be done, a tech rehearsal that never happened and a curtain call that needs to be changed. Then, without any prompting it hit me that I wold not be getting my Dad’s opening night break a leg phone call. It took my breath away and I just let that thought wash over me for a moment. Every performance I have ever been involved in my Dad has reached out to me in some way, flowers, a note or a phone call. From my very first performance at Stoneleigh to last years production of “Into the Woods Jr.” he has let me know that he supports me, is happy for me and is proud of me. He knew what I wanted to do this year and after lasts years trial and tribulations he was happy that we had decided to do it again but he died before we began rehearsals. I can only hope that he knows I took his advice. I hope he knows that despite swearing I would never do this again he reminded me of that one moment that makes it all worth while. I hope he understands that I listened when he said to think about how I felt after my first time on stage and I should give the kids the same opportunity. I hope he knows I listened and that the last 13 years of performances would never have happened without his love and support. I hope he knows that we dedicate this years performance to him. And I hope I hear his “Good Work Skunk” in my head as the curtain closes.
P.S. This is also the last production before Lauren leaves for Japan. This is just adding my to emotional messiness. A parent once called both of us the heart and soul of the McKinley School Drama Club. I appreciated that compliment but Lauren is the foundation. None of this would happen without her and she will be missed. I wonder if we can Skype her into rehearsals next year?
Friends! I need your help.I realize this post is not earth shattering and kind of selfish but I am having the worst time making decisions. I need help. I have had broken mini blinds in the bedroom for about …….hmmmmm……let me think…..3 years! I love the windows but the broken, old mini blinds make it look like I live in a crack house. Every time I think about replacing them I break out into a cold sweat. The thought of changing them fills me with dread because I have no idea what I want to do. I am so bad at this, Blah! I keep hoping that the decorating fairies will visit during the night and make my windows look fabulous. I know I hate mini blinds and I know I do not want a pull down shade but that is all I know. Please, somebody with good taste and a little imagination help me.
And then to completely send me over the edge I need a new TV/Entertainment thing. I do believe we are the last family in Revere , maybe the universe, to get a flat screen, HD, LCD,LED,Smart whatever the hell it is TV. I wont even go near the decision making of that purchase. I am leaving it all up to the Thinker but I have to pick what it is going to sit on. Why?Why?Why? I have been looking for 2 days and am nowhere closer than I was when I started. I really stink at this. Any ideas? Anybody want to help? Because I am thinking that this is overwhelming and I can live with the crack house decor a little bit longer………
I like this….. I think. Do I like this? Ugh.
It is early here. Everyone is still sleeping. I am trying to be quiet so they can rest, not an easy task for me. Today is going to be a long day and I am sitting here trying to wrap my head and my heart around this final Good Bye. My Father is such a huge part of who I am that it is never really good bye but saying good bye to his physical being is the hardest thing I have ever done. Being here where so many of my happiest childhood memories with him were made is bittersweet. I see him everywhere. At dinner last night I could not help but think that he should have been at the head of the table orchestrating the chaos. He would have loved us all being at one table and the chaos. I am looking forward to being with everyone today. To listen to all the stories about Dad. I am anticipating seeing people I have not seen in a long time and being referred to as “one of George’s girls” or Skunk. I am looking forward to being in St. Timothy’s church were as a family we have celebrated so many of life’s milestones. I am looking forward to the reception at El Coyote, a family tradition. I am hoping I can hold it together when Jake and. Mario give the Eulogy they wrote for their adored Pop. I am so grateful Jimi has the strength to speak for the sisters because I could never do it. I am so comforted that the people I love most and consider my foundation will hold each other up as we say this final good bye. I am at peace with Dad being laid to rest beside his parents. I can only hope that they are all together playing cards (cheating) and I am confident that at some point today, at least once, there will be a dance party in my Auntie’s living room.