Monthly Archives: March 2014

The Noise In My Head This Weekend.

The Noise In My Head This Weekend.

Right at this moment, as I write this, my baby is waking up in LA. When I got home from work last Friday he informed me he was leaving right at that moment for a Networking convention in North Carolina. My first reaction was to grab him by the legs, tackle him to the ground and say “NO! NO! NO!”. But not wanting to be “that Mom” I just said “OK Honey, please call me when you get there”. When he returned from North Carolina he informed me he was leaving the next day for LA/Vegas. The boy is trying to kill me. This time I did grab his legs, tackle him to the ground and say “NO! NO! NO!”. He is in LA. Clearly he wants to kill me.

I apologize to all the cars that followed me from Suffolk Downs to Winthrop this morning with my right directional blinking. I may have been listening to the radio a wee bit too loud to hear that it was still on. My apologies.


                    I know how very wrong this is but none the less, it helps the sad.

It is Sunday afternoon and all I have accomplished this weekend is one Zumba class, breakfast with friends, cleaned the Thinker’s drawers, Sam came for the weekend,  dinner and games with friends, coffee with friends, made Mac and Cheese, read the Sunday paper, watched Red Dawn (the original was better), one load of laundry, caught up in my journal and played on this blog. I did not do any of my weekend cleaning. Whatever.

Jose "working" in Vegas.

Jose “working” in Vegas.

I know I told you The Thinker is in LA/Vegas. What you might not know is that when he was in 1st grade he changed his name to Jose. Yup, he did. He walked into the nurse’s office (his favorite place to be) and told Nurse Stacey he was changing his name to Jose. Fast forward to today and the only two people who still call him Jose are Stacey and my Dad. My Dad loved a nickname and Jose stuck. Mario has been away for a week and I have heard from him 3 times. His second text said “Ma, I had to use someone else’s pass to get into the Pizza Show and the name on my pass is Jose”. You can not tell me that wasn’t my Dad  letting him know he was happy he and Ugo were together in Vegas and that he was with them both. Jose and Girrard. (Ugo’s nickname).

 The boogies are back and since I only had clear nostrils for a week I was thinking maybe I had allergies. On Friday I decided to take a Zyrtec and see if that helped. I got the bottle from the medicine cabinet and tried to read the directions. I said tried because with my glasses on and with my glasses off I could not read the teeny, tiny print. At one point I sat down and tried to read it. Not really sure why I thought sitting down would make me see better but I tried. Finally I gave up and brought the bottle to work and had Janeeen read me the dosage. It did not help. I do not have allergies. I am old.

I am happy to know that if I wake up at 4:00 am and can not fall back to sleep at least 3 of my friends are also up and willing to chat.


A friend posted this on her wall; In French you do not say “I miss you”. You say “Tu me manques” which means “You are missing from me”. Even though I took 4 years of French I am not sure if this is true. None the less, I think it’s perfect. So, “Mon Pere, tu me manques”. I love that.

The Saint still has not found a truck. It’s getting ugly.

These last few days my heart has been in California with my family. I have been taking comfort in the many pictures and memories I have of my family in the house. It feels as if I am surrounded by their love. I miss them and I hope they know they are always in my heart. See! they are not tchotchkes, they are love.

Grandma clubThis is a photo of my Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles at a night club. Sienna used the photo as an invitation. She is cool like that.  It is on my bureau so I see it every day.


plaqueSienna made this for me. It is hanging on the wall in my bedroom. It reminds me that we share blood.


Cleofe’s school picture is tucked into my bureau mirror with a million other memories. I never look in the mirror but I always look at the photos.


This a a Donald Duck Sienna bought me on a memorable trip to Disneyland where Ben impressed me with his corn dog eating skills despite being hung over. He is missing a foot, Donald not Ben, but I still love him. I would still love Ben if he was missing a foot which he is not.


This photo of Cleofe sits on my kitchen counter in my favorite frame. Because I spend so much time in the kitchen (eating) I see her beautiful face a million times a day. That is an estimate.


And this is my all time favorite photo of Sienna. I love that I have a copy of this picture that hangs in my Aunt and Uncle’s house. How could you not love this face?

So, as much as I am missing my family in LA I am happy to see them in my every day surroundings.

Can you tell my heart is in LA this weekend?

The Noise In My Head……….and it is singing this.

The Noise In My Head on a Sunday Morning.

The Noise In My Head on a Sunday Morning.

I love that moment when you first wake up, before all the worries and responsibilities rush in, and the possibilities of the day lay before you.

I think I need a cape. Not a super hero cape and not a Sherlock Holmes cape but a cross between the two. I think I could rock a cape.

What is everybody watching?

Sometimes I wish my life were a little less “After School Special” and a little more “The Waltons”.flowers

In honor of it being the first day of spring I bought myself flowers. I love flowers. Dammit, I deserve flowers.

The Saint is still in mourning. He asked my sister to take a moment of silence for his dear departed truck. I asked him if he could just stay silent.

Speaking of which what it is about boys and their cars/trucks? Really? I just do not get it.

I was saving one last box of stolen fudge from Jake and Elizabeth’s wedding in case of a PMS emergency but since I have been so calm and pleasant lately I have decided to give it away before it becomes inedible. Tell me why you deserve it and it may be yours. See! I am capable of sharing. Really, I am a giver.

So yummy
So yummy

I just heard on the news that the average person smiles 50 times a day. My goal is to smile 150 times today.

Everybody has been posting on Facebook that they will hurt the first person that complains about the heat this summer. I just want to go on record that I never complained about the cold. I may have complained about the snow a time or two and I own complaining about the grey. I hate it when it is grey outside. I do not think I will be complaining when it is too sunny and too bright this summer so I am off the hook.

I have been told more than once (you know who you are) that I talk too much and am too loud. Oh well, no apologies here.


My sister, Jimi, turned me on to this coconut milk for my coffee. It is delicious and drum roll please, Zero weight watchers points! Bonus! Truth is I feel very fancy when I use it. I say things in my head like “No cream for me, I will use French Vanilla Coconut Milk instead”. Isn’t that fancy?

This thought has been bothering me. I have an APP on my phone called “Retail Me Not”, thanks to Michelle because we all know I need help with my shopping, that has offers for lots of stores. Lately it has totally been freaking me out because when I go to the Mall or a Shopping area it sends me a text message with offers at stores in that area.  It totally freaks me out! So, if my shopping APP can find me where ever I am why can’t we find a plane. Seriously.

I have not given up on Saint Anthony. I would never, ever give up on him. Hopefully he will answer our prayers soon.

I am not going to see Divergent with Triple P because it would feel like cheating on Katniss. Truth.

Big Fan in Chelsea.

Do you remember when the Windmill went up in Chelsea? You know the one that has never been used. Well, a few days after it went up The Saint came home and said “Jan, have you seen the big fan in Chelsea?”. I kid you not and reason # 3,964 I drink.

I want to go on a road trip. Badly.

I just came home from seeing the Accountant. It’s not pretty. What Uncle Sam is not taking Sallie Mae is. I should just send my paycheck directly to them.

Since Triple P finished Grad School and is working we can no longer claim her. The Accountant referred to her as an “Adult”. That’s funny, right at this moment the Adult is taking a nap, I am doing her laundry and she asked me to make her lunch for tomorrow because I make the sandwich better than she does.

I watched Saving Mr. Banks last night and I loved it. I knew it was about Disney making the movie Mary Poppins but I wish someone had told me it was more about  PL Travers, the authors, relationship with her Dad. I pretty much sobbed through the ending and will never listen to this song again without tearing up.


So excited!
So excited!

Guess what? I just looked in the basement and I have a cape! Who knew? Now, where am I going to wear it and with what? Maybe I will bring it on my Road Trip. I am going to go play in my closet.


The Noise In My Head …….. and it is singing  “Let’s go fly a kite. Up to the highest height! Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring. Up through the atmosphere. Up where the air is clear. Oh, let’s go fly a kite!”.





Noise! Noise! Noise!

Noise! Noise! Noise!

I have a head full of noise. I like it.

File under Good News/Bad News: I put on 3 shirts this morning before I found one that fit. (Good News, my hard work is paying off). Nothing in my closet fits (Bad News, nothing in my closet fits). Wait! that means I have to go shopping. Scratch that, it’s all good news!

I took my first Barre class last night and I did not hurt myself or anyone else! I am saddened that after about 20 years of dancing (long ago) I no longer have a strong core but at least I did it, right?

Natalie was so encouraging (as always) she kept saying “You a are a ship being hit by a wave, find your balance”. Little did she know I was the Titanic and I was going down. My ass is large enough to write “Titanic” across its stern.

My ass.

My ass.

For scientific reasons I want to conduct a taste test to see which Cadbury Mini Egg tastes the best, original milk chocolate, white chocolate or dark chocolate. Just for scientific reasons of course.


I am convinced that crushed ice makes my ice coffee taste so much better.

I am in desperate need of  mental health day. I have never really taken one before and I am not really sure how I would spend it. Maybe all day in bed reading, maybe all day at the mall shopping. I am not sure but  I believe I really meed one.

There are too many shows on TV.

I still have more boogies than I should in my nose. It is day 12 of my nose and head being invaded by the monster alien boogies and I am tired of it.

I want to go to Wahlburgers. Not to see Donnie or Marky Mark but to eat one of their Peanut Butter and Fluff cupcakes. Hello!

Where did the sunshine go?

In an attempt to bring music back into my life I have been turning on the radio as soon as I walk into the house. It has been nice. The added bonus is listening to The Thinker sing along. He knows every song! Triple P does not sing along  because she “samples” music. She listens to a few minutes and then changes the song looking for something better. She is crazy.

The 4th graders at our school put out a newspaper every semester. It is such a great project. They honored me by interviewing me for this issue. It was so sweet. I loved talking with them and answering their questions. They gave me a copy hot off the press yesterday. Sadly, the first thing I wanted to do was send one to Dad. He would have gotten such a kick out of it.  I miss him.newspaper

When they asked me how I became a Library Aide I told them I considered myself very lucky to have the job. In the article they wrote “She decided to become a library aide because she was lucky enough to get the job”. Ha! I love that and it is 100% completely true. I was lucky enough to get this job

A boy I think is fabulous did this. I love you Spencer.

The Noise In My Head……………and it is hearing this. Thanks to Natalie I was the one sobbing during cool down last night. This version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow gets me every time.

Dad #18

Dad #18

dandkDear Dad,

I was thinking of you at 10:30 this morning just like I do every Saturday morning. I really miss our Saturday morning phone calls. It occurred to me that last year at this time you were here visiting. We had the best week. I know we ran you ragged making sure you spent time with all of us and bouncing from celebration to celebration. 2 nights here, 2 nights at Gigi’s and 2 nights at Masti’s. I think we had 2 parties, the Birthday Brunch and Louie’s 50th, plus you were able to spend time with Micheal and Joanne. It really was the best visit. We created a million memories in a short amount of time. I smile when I think of you throwing dollar bills at Angelina after she sang and taking the time to meet the Kindergarteners that were so impressed to meet Jakey Boom Boom’s grandfather. I will never forget you getting your Iphone and everyone trying to teach you how to use it.  Such great memories. But the memory I hold dearest in my heart and makes me catch my breath is the two mornings I woke up, came out into my kitchen and saw you sitting at my kitchen table with your beloved Dunkin Donuts and your USA Today. Both mornings you looked up with a big smile on your face and said “Skunk!” and then put your paper down and waited for me to join you. I miss you. I love you and I will honor you always.



P.S. I wish it was last year.

P.P.S. Your grandson is on the phone and I just heard him say “I need to get my eyebrows done”. What????

The Noise In My Head……….I hear music! (and other things).

The Noise In My Head……….I hear music! (and other things).


1.I hear music! I think this is a good thing and a bad thing. It was kind of gradual but when I woke up this morning, saw the sunshine and heard “Happy” in my head it occurred to me…….MUSIC! It made me happy. Then I thought that music has been missing from my head since Dad died and did the music slowly coming back into my head mean I was forgetting Dad (Never) or that the pain of losing him was diminishing (Never). I am not sure why the music is back but it is making everything a little bit easier and I will take it. Maybe it is a gift from Dad. I am going to go with that.

2. I am wearing my favorite bra today. You know, the one that fits perfectly, does not have any wires that jab or maim and makes the girls look like they did a long time ago. It’s going to be a good day.

3. All Right, All Right, All Right.

4. Yesterday a I noticed a kindergarten student had gotten a hair cut. I said “Oh my goodness, you got a haircut! You look so handsome”. He excitedly smiled and said “Yes!, My Dad took me to the kabob shop!”. It was so damn cute I did not correct him. I am also thinking he is one of the reasons I hear music in my head.

5. Is anybody else as excited as I am that all the spring clothes are in the stores?

6. My Mom was the first person to tell me about Pharrell Williams. I wonder if I will ever be as cool as she is. Doubtful.

7. My Mom loves the way Pharrell dresses. Maybe I should get her a hat like his and some shorts. She would rock it.

8. Great, now I totally want to go rummaging through the racks at TJ Maxx and Marshall’s. Happy place.

speech9. How amazing is this photo? There are so many good ones from the wedding. My favorites are the candid ones that tell a story without saying a word. This is my favorite today.

10. I have to go to work now. I am hoping I find a million more reasons to hear music in my head today.

The Noise In My Head……..Clap your hands if you feel like happiness is the truth!

 P.S. Putin scares the crap out of me and I am sad that we never learn and it is never enough. But, I am not going there right now.

P.P.S. How could one person possibly have so many boogies in her head? I keep blowing and blowing and they keep coming and coming. I bet that all boogies in my head affected my weigh in last night. I should deduct at least one pound for the boogies!

The noise in my head is full of tchotchkes.

The noise in my head is full of tchotchkes.

Anyone that knows me and has been to my house knows I love mementos or as my Brother in Law, Burt, refers to them, tchotchkes.I admit that I do but I also want it noted that I love to have things that remind me of a certain person, place or adventure. I love to look at something and instantly remember why that object is important to me. I can remember the who, what and where of every object in my house. I love having all of these good memories surrounding me and reminding me everyday of how blessed I am.

Name any memento and I will tell you all about it.

Name any memento and I will tell you all about it.

Some, ok many, have called me a hoarder. Recently Tripe P and I cleaned all the cabinets in the kitchen. She had to constantly remind me that I put too much importance on “things” and that I had whatever memories in my heart and in my journals and it was time to cleanse. It was not easy. I am still regretting throwing away their sippy cups. They were so cute! The Thinker used to bite his lids (better than biting his sister) and I loved looking at his little teeth marks. Weird?, maybe but at least I own it! And do not get me started on my Mother in Law. Her house is spotless. She has some pictures but that is it! Everything in her house has a purpose and there are no mementos of anything anywhere! Once, years ago, she tried to help me purge and made me throw away my wedding cards!!!! Who does that? I am still bitter and wish I had them. I recently said that I would love to still have the written messages on those cards from people I have loved that have since passed away. Triple P, the Mental Health Counselor, replied you have the love and memory of those people in your heart, isn’t that enough? NO! I want to see their handwriting on the card. Weird? maybe, but at least I own it.

Which brings me to why I am writing this. I even have mementos in my bathroom. Go ahead judge me. Once you have been judged by your Mother in Law you are immune to anyone else’s snarky judgement. (I am loving the word snarky lately). One of those treasures is a soap dish my Dad brought back from Russia. It sits right next to the sink. The only time there is soap in it is when Sienna sends me a pretty one. Usually it just sits there reminding me of Dad. I will glance at it as I am brushing my teeth and think of the time he was in Russia. It was quite a few years ago and while he was there we did not get to speak to him very often. When he came back from one of his trips he sent each of us a detailed itinerary he kept every day of his trip so we would know what it was like. I, of curse, read every world. Some days were terribly exciting like when some gangster type guys boarded their plane and “politely’ asked for a tip before the plane was allowed to take off. They gave them a tip. Some days were boring full of business meetings and shots of vodka. Some days were so my Dad, days spent in his hotel room eating peanut butter and cookies that Dee made him that he had brought from home. Whatever memories they brought back the dish reminded me off my Dad and I was grateful that even though he stole things from his Russian hotel he was not in a Russian prison.

Broken, just like my heart.
Broken, just like my heart.

Well, deep sigh, two nights ago the thinker was in the bathroom taking a shower. When he got out I heard a crash. My first thought was “Please do not let that be my soap dish”. I calmly asked “Och, what was that?”. His words came crashing through the bathroom door, “That soap thing”. I instantly started crying. He opened the door and gave me a look, you know the look. I said “That was the soap dish Papa brought back from Russia”. Well, I think I sobbed it but whatever. As he walked into his room he said “everything in this house has a memory” and shut the door. I swear he said it like it was a BAD thing? I clutched the pieces of the soap dish to my chest, threw myself on my bed and sobbed. (Again, I am not overly dramatic or anything like that.) I have been crying ever since.

So, I am wondering is it bad that everything in my house has a memory attached to it because I don’t think so.

P.S. If you are wondering if Dad brought Triple P some of those Russian Nesting Dolls they are so famous for the answer is yes. They are safely packed up in the basement with her American Girl Dolls. One day when she has children of her own (fingers crossed because we all know I will be a kick ass Grandma) she will be thrilled that her hoarder mother saved the Russian Nesting Dolls her grandfather brought back from Russia and her children will play with them. Memories.