Monthly Archives: September 2014

The Bubble.

The Bubble.

Dad.

A year ago 9/15/2013 was a Sunday and  right at this time I entered the bubble. I walked into the waiting room of the hospital, holding my sister’s hand, and was greeted by Dee, Brooks and a Priest tearfully telling us that we must hurry into the room as they were giving Dad his last rites. I remember holding my breath as I hurriedly put on the gown, mask and gloves they said we must wear and saying to myself “This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening”. I made eye contact with Andi above our masks and we simultaneously nodded and took a deep breath as we walked into the small room filled with machines and beeping noises. I instantly looked at my beloved Father lying in the bed and thought “That isn’t him”. He was like a shell of man, not my vibrant, loving, full of life Dad. I knew in my heart that he was not there. I held his hand as the Priest began to pray and leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “Dad, I am here. It’s Skunk. I love you”. I knew there would be no response and I did it more for me than for him. I talked to him a lot in the next 36 hours, probably more than he wanted me to. It  felt so safe, calm and isolated with just the 4 of us in the room with him. It was our own safe bubble where we could cry, laugh and be with the man who defined who we were as family. People came and went, a steady stream of love and tears, but we never left his side. Though he had been given last rites and we knew what was stacked against him if by miracle he came out of the coma, as long as we were in the bubble and there was a glimmer of hope, we wanted to be there for him. On that Monday evening when we realized the inevitable we took his hands and held them and hoped that he could feel our love as we said goodbye. Not wanting to leave him or the bubble we had  created we remained in the hospital a bit just catching our breath and figuring out what to do next. Trebor came to get us and we gratefully turned decision-making over to him. Yes, we would go home. Yes, he would make the phone calls. Yes, he would pick up breakfast. We left the bubble at about 6:30 in the morning and as we walked out into the bright sunshine of the morning I was shocked to see that life was going on as if nothing had happened. Didn’t these people scurrying about their business know that my world had just forever changed? We silently clung to each other as we stumbled into the car and drove away to try to make sense of our new normal. I want back in the bubble. Even knowing what would happen 36 hours later I want those quiet moments back when the only thing I had to worry about was making sure my Dad felt how much he was loved. I want back in the bubble. Andi? Brooks? Are you with me?

Noisey Noise

Noisey Noise

I just spent a leisurely hour reading my magazines and drinking coffee. I love the Fall issues of my magazines because Autumn is my favorite season and I love fall clothes. You know, sweaters and loafers. I love dressing for fall. It was a good hour but of course the noises in my head started going off so I have to write them down.

I hate when the subscription postcards fall out of my magazine. Does anyone actually use them to subscribe to a magazine and if so I want to meet this person. Order online or steal them from the Doctor’s office like the rest of us!

Triple P just told me that Mindy Kaling is her spirit animal. She kills me. Triple P not Mindy but she is funny too.

I declare skunks my spirit animal.

Are we seriously suppose to believe that the actresses color their own hair. Really? I know I have said it before but I want proof. I want to see Blake Lively sitting in the kitchen in a ratty t shirt with Ryan Phillips putting the color in her hair.

Recently I said that sometimes pizza is the only answer. I would like to add that sometimes listening to music really loudly is the only answer. The answer may change day by day you just have to be open to it.

This summer I have eaten my weight in watermelon. I am not kidding. Eaten my weight in watermelon.

Day #1 wearing my new bra and I am not complaining.

Dear Julieth, I already miss your love and light. Love, Me

Dear Julieth,
I already miss your love and light.
Love,
Me

Julieth left for home today. We already miss her. She was such a bright light in The Thinker’s life and I will miss the love and laughter she so happily gave to him. We are hoping she will be back before Christmas. Fingers crossed.

Since I began my “keeping my head above water” journey I have been able to walk away from some of my trigger foods. When you are a food addict (let’s call a spade a spade) you know which foods can lead you down a dark road. I have been very successful in having one piece of cake and even 6 Cadbury Mini Eggs and walking away. I was satisfied. There is only one thing that I do not think I could handle. My beloved Candy Corn. Nope, I don’t think I can do it. I fear that if I eat one piece I will wake up the next morning on a corner under a broken street lamp curled up in a fetal position with an empty bag of Brach’s Candy Corn (the best) crumpled in my hand with no recollection of how I got there. Nope, not going to do it. This is going to be hard.

Dear Candy Corn, I miss you. Love,  Me
Dear Candy Corn,
I miss you.
Love,
Me

Speaking of my journey I am so DAMN CLOSE to a goal I never thought I would achieve. The one thing I have realized is that this whole thing is not about the numbers (but I am still in love with my cholesterol number of 157!) but I would love to hit this goal number just once. I am sooooooo close. I am thinking that maybe this is it, maybe my body is saying this is where you are going to be happiest but I am not ready to give up the fight. In my head I wanted to be at this goal by Sept. 17. It was a personal challenge in regards to all that has kept me underwater. So, I promise not to be disappointed if I do not hit the number by the 17th. I will be grateful for how far I have come. I will acknowledge that my head is above water (most days) and I will be happy BUT I have 15 more days to reach this goal and I am ready to give it the best I can to GET it done!

Again, today may be Tuesday but it is Monday so do not be fooled.

Triple P went to Washington this weekend and all she brought back for me was dirty laundry. What?

The Saint came to Market Basket with me yesterday and we both made fools of ourselves. I kissed all of my favorite produce and danced in the aisle when I found my favorite brand of Farro. The Saint walked around shaking the employees hands and thanking them for sticking it out. Thank goodness we left before Artie T got  there. I don’t think either one of us could have handled it.

 Speaking of food. I have two new favorites.

Thank You, Lisa!

Thank You, Lisa!

  This little piece of heaven is only 1 Weight watchers point per wedge. Come on! You could eat it by itself but it is delicious on a Pumpkin Spice Eggo. Totally worth the 5 points. Thank You to Lisa Caponigro for finding it for me!

Proof God loves me.
Proof God loves me.

 

 And this my friends is like hitting the jackpot! Pumpkin Pie Spice Peanut Butter. Are your FREAKING kidding me!!!! One tablespoon is 2 weight watchers points. I have been eating it on a slice of Ezekhiel bread for a total of 4 points. Pumpkin Perfection!

Just to put it in perspective about 8 pieces of  my beloved Candy Corn is 3 points. Not nearly enough for me. The above newly discovered treats taste like Fall, are filling and worth their point value. That is just my humble opinion but trust me,  I know what I am talking about!

Why is it always about the food with me?

Don’t answer that.

Happy Tuesday that is really a Monday!