My head is full of static. It kind of goes back and forth with sounds of sadness and little pep talks to just keep moving forward. What is funny is that I have not heard Music in weeks. Usually my head is full of music all day long, not so much lately.
When I woke up this morning I made myself think of what needed to be done today. I tried not to let my mind go free-falling like it has been. As I walked through Marissa’s room I let my thoughts go to her. I am so very proud of her. She is working so hard. She is up and out every day earlier than me. You have no idea what a big deal this is. The girl LOVES to sleep. She is working hard and learning how to navigate this new job and this new normal. She misses her Grandfather. I just kept thinking how proud of her he was. He was constantly checking into her daily happenings and celebrating her accomplishments. He laughed when I told him she was visiting every Brewery in New England and that I had to remind her that he there are amazing Museums in Boston. He said “She works hard, let her play”. I love that he was so involved in her doings that he knew and loved her friends. I love that he gave her friends nicknames. I love that he was her Grandfather.
Last night Mario was trying to show me how to back up my phone for the tenth time (I am not getting it!) and told me I had to get rid of the pictures on my phone. He said that they could be saved on the computer in my cloud, whatever the hell that is. I cried, I have so many pictures of Dad and was convinced something was going to happen and I was going to lose them. Mario just kept on working on my phone but Marissa quickly began her laugh/cry and told me it would be ok. You know you are not in the best place when just a change on your phone brings you to tears. I am a mess.
Ok, My pictures are safe. The new software is on my phone. I hate it and today is a new day.
I am going to make a list of things I am looking forward to……Lists always comfort me.
Meghan and Nathaniel’s wedding. I love weddings. There is cake at weddings.
Katelyn and Christopher’s wedding. Again, there is cake at weddings.
My good daughter, Tessa, is coming home for 6 months. Well, I hope it is 6 months. At least she will be home for a visit. I am going to enjoy every minute that she is here.
Andi and I are going to Disney. It is my Happy Place and I am hoping it works it’s magic.
I don’t have to shave my legs everyday.
Rose had a few of us over for “Everything Pumpkin” and it was an amazing night.
I love Rose’s house and am going to just move myself into one of the bedrooms.
I think there should be a news station that only reports happy news.
I want to be a Reporter on that station.
Donny has been a little bit neglected lately. He needs an outing.
I love Autumn but do not get the appeal of Apple Picking. It looks like work to me.
It’s funny that I can be doing the most ordinary of things and then I start crying.
OK, here goes. Thursday was a long day, work, a Doctors appointment and then errands. I had been emotional and on edge all day. I actually cried at the Doctors office. I love my Doctor and she is use to me crying so no big deal. Anyhow, by the time I got home I just wanted to crawl into bed. Instead I started making dinner, going through the mail and listening to messages. I am such a muti tasker! Most of the phone messages were nothing but I needed the phone number left on the last message. I have been saving Dad’s messages for a few months and I knew the first 6 messages were Dad. So, I carefully counted 1,2,3,4,5 and 6 messages before I let the machine play. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! I should have hit it 7 times for the seventh message. As I was walking away Dad’s voice filled the air, ‘Skunk! It’s Dad. I guess you are out” I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I stumbled back to the machine, tripped over Jack and fell on my ass. The machine continued, “OK Honey. I will try your cell. Love you”. I sat on the floor and cried with Jack in my lap. I am trying to see the humor in this because it probably looked ridiculous but right now it hurts too much. Thank God I did not land on Jack like the Great Fish Fiasco of 1999.
Who creates Spam and what exactly is it’s purpose. Annoyed. Computer Spam not the Spam you eat. I don’t really get that either but who am I to judge?
We went out to dinner with Tony and Donna last night and I had the perfect meal. You know when you order something and it is exactly what you wanted?!?! Perfect! I did not order desert! What??? It’s true and when we went back to their house to talk about anything and everything I did not have any of the pastries they put out. What?? I think I deserve a prize!
I am working on this year’s play. Excited! I think it is going to be good. We have volunteers from the last two productions coming back to help. I think this makes me the happiest.
I am still in my PJ’s
Friday I was wearing my reading tiara and a 4th grader asked me if it was my Birthday. I explained that even though I love my Birthday that I was wearing my reading tiara not my Birthday tiara. He asked when my Birthday was and how old I would be. This happened.
Me: “I am 51 so I will be 52”.
4th Grader: “My Grandma is 50”
Me: “Isn’t that nice. How old are you 9, 10?”
4th grader: ” I am 9″.
Me: “I have purses older than you. Go to class”.
The Noise In My Head (and it is full of static, still no music).