Dad #9

Dad #9

My head is full of static. It kind of goes back and forth with sounds of sadness and little pep talks to just keep moving forward. What is funny is that I have not heard Music in weeks. Usually my head is full of music all day long,  not so much lately.

When I woke up this morning I made myself think of what needed to be done today. I tried not to let my mind go free-falling like it has been. As I walked through Marissa’s room I let my thoughts go to her. I am so very proud of her. She is working so hard. She is up and out every day earlier than me. You have no idea what a big deal this is. The girl LOVES to sleep. She is working hard and learning how to navigate this new job and this new normal. She misses her Grandfather. I just kept thinking how proud of her he was. He was constantly checking into her daily happenings and  celebrating her accomplishments. He laughed when I told him she was visiting every Brewery in New England and that I had to remind her that he there are amazing Museums in Boston. He said “She works hard, let her play”. I love that he was so involved in her doings that he knew and loved her friends. I love that he gave her friends nicknames. I love that he was her Grandfather.

Papa loved this picture of Riss with her first paycheck out of college. Notice the Graduation Banner is still hanging. I had not celebrated my 50th yet. Good times. I do enjoy a Banner.

Papa loved this picture of Riss with her first paycheck out of college. Notice the Graduation Banner is still hanging. I had not celebrated my 50th yet. Good times. I do enjoy a Banner.

Last night Mario was trying to show me how to back up my phone for the tenth time (I am not getting it!) and told me I had to get rid of the pictures on my phone. He said that they could be saved on the computer in my cloud, whatever the hell that is. I cried, I have so many pictures of Dad and was convinced something was going to happen and I was going to lose them. Mario just kept on working on my phone but Marissa quickly began her laugh/cry and told me it would be ok. You know you are not in the best place when just a change on your phone brings you to tears. I am a mess.

Ok, My pictures are safe. The new software is on my phone. I hate it and today is a new day.

I am going to make a list of things I am looking forward to……Lists always comfort me.

Meghan and Nathaniel’s wedding. I love weddings. There is cake at weddings.

Katelyn and Christopher’s wedding. Again, there is cake at weddings.

My good daughter, Tessa, is coming home for 6 months. Well, I hope it is 6 months. At least she will be home for a visit. I am going to enjoy every minute that she is here.

Andi and I are going to Disney. It is my Happy Place and I am hoping it works it’s magic.

I don’t have to shave my legs everyday.

Rose had a few of us over for “Everything Pumpkin” and it was an amazing night.

I love Rose’s house and am going to just move myself into one of the bedrooms.

I think there should be a news station that only reports happy news.

I want to be a Reporter on that station.

Donny has been a little bit neglected lately. He needs an outing.

I love Autumn but do not get the appeal of Apple Picking. It looks like work to me.

It’s funny that I can be doing the most ordinary of things and then I start crying.

Megalish gave me this Skunk. I love it.

Megalish gave me this Skunk. I love it.

OK, here goes. Thursday was a long day, work, a Doctors appointment and then errands. I had been emotional and on edge all day. I actually cried at the Doctors office. I love my Doctor and she is use to me crying so no big deal. Anyhow, by the time I got home I just wanted to crawl into bed. Instead I started making dinner, going through the mail and listening to messages. I am such a muti tasker! Most of the phone messages were nothing but I needed the phone number left on the last message. I have been saving Dad’s messages for a few months and I knew the first 6 messages were Dad. So, I carefully counted 1,2,3,4,5 and 6 messages before I let the machine play. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! I should have hit it 7 times for the seventh message. As I was walking away Dad’s voice filled the air, ‘Skunk! It’s Dad. I guess you are out” I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I stumbled back to the machine, tripped over Jack and fell on my ass. The machine continued, “OK Honey. I will try your cell. Love you”. I sat on the floor and cried with Jack in my lap. I am trying to see the humor in this because it probably looked ridiculous but right now it hurts too much. Thank God I did not land on Jack like the Great Fish Fiasco of 1999.

Who creates Spam and what exactly is it’s purpose. Annoyed. Computer Spam not the Spam you eat. I don’t really get that either but who am I to judge?

We went out to dinner with Tony and Donna last night and I had the perfect meal. You know when you order something and it is exactly what you wanted?!?! Perfect! I did not order desert! What??? It’s true and when we went back to their house to talk about anything and everything I did not have any of the pastries they put out. What?? I think I deserve a prize!

I am working on this year’s play. Excited! I think it is going to be good. We have volunteers from the last two productions coming back to help. I think this makes me the happiest.

I am still in my PJ’s

I am thinking I should take this down since I am 51 and 4 months but I am not going to.

I am thinking I should take this down since I am 51 and 4 months but I am not going to.

Friday I was wearing my reading tiara and a 4th grader asked me if it was my Birthday. I explained that even though I love my Birthday that I was wearing my reading tiara not my Birthday tiara. He asked when my Birthday was and how old I would be. This happened.

Me: “I am 51 so I will be 52”.

4th Grader: “My Grandma is 50”

Me: “Isn’t that nice. How old are you 9, 10?”

4th grader: ” I am 9″.

Me: “I have purses older than you. Go to class”.

The end.

The Noise In My Head (and it is full of static, still no music).





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