I have been really tired and really sad for the past few weeks. I have not even felt like writing. I am swimming underwater again but I refuse to beat myself up about it. Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. losing Uncle so closely to losing Dad has sent me into a tailspin. I just wish I could sleep. I really miss sleeping.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas unless you eat too much and then you bring it all home with you in your hips.

There is something tragic about listening to “Bro’s” trying to be “Those Bros” in Vegas. It was pretty pathetic.

I have decided that I am going to Tweet and Tag Donny every chance I get. I will  not be ignored any longer. (Shades of that movie with Micheal Douglas and Glen Close. What was it called?).

I was teaching the kids the parts of a book today and it occurred to me that someday books will be obsolete. The thought makes me so sad. I still do not have a Kindle.

I love books.

I love Target.

I love Google.

I love cake.

But you know all this already.

I do not want to talk about the weather BUT I am cold.

Tomorrow is May 1. How did that happen? I am going to stay up and beat Eduardo at the Happy Month game.

I just referenced the weather and time going too quickly. It is official, I am old.

Wednesdays are my toughest days at work. With only 4 minutes between classes I am always running late. I start the day knowing I am going to fail. It’s a horrible feeling to walk into a classroom and know the teacher has been waiting for you to show up so they can do the millions of things they need to get done.It is a snowball effect, a teacher may come back only a few minutes late and normally who cares but on Wednesday’s I have to go to my desk between every class, there is no way to set up the day better, so that few minutes late added on to the time I need to get the books usually ends up in many minutes late and creates a disaster.  Wednesdays are really tough but even on my worst day I am reading/sharing books with kids I love so who am I to complain. (If you are one of the Teachers waiting for me please know I am trying, I am really trying!).

Ugh, it’s Wednesday,

I am going to pick a day and invite who ever wants to come over to help me clean my basement. It will be an Open House. There is so much down there I want to give away so if you are interested let me know. I think it could be really fun and will make me motivated to do it. Robin? Kirsten? Toni? Stacey?  are you in? I will provide the refreshments! I am thinking May 10 or May 17. If you wear a size 9 or 9 1/2 shoe you are going to want to be here. (Hint).

I watched the movie Philomena last night. I really liked it. I think you should watch it.

This makes me happy and sad at the same time. I remember him giving me this book.

This makes me happy and sad at the same time. I remember him giving me this book.

I was cleaning on Saturday and I came across a book Dad gave me for Christmas in 1975. It hurt to look at it. I miss him so damn much.

My laptop died. My Ipad is the original one and does not work very well so I am using Triple P’s laptop. I do not like it. I hate change. I am not sure what to do. Should I get a new laptop or a new Ipad with a keyboard? I think I want a laptop. I don’t know. It took me 2 years to pick curtains how long do you think this decision will take?

I know this is a good problem to have but none of my clothes fit. It’s the weirdest thing, I have gained and lost weight a million times in my life (no exaggeration) but this time it is so different. I think it is because I am older (older not old) and because of all the exercise. I am smaller in places I have never been before but the same in others? Does that make sense? Anyhow, I seriously have nothing that fits so get use to seeing me in leggings until I figure out what size I need. I am not going to lie, I am very excited to go shopping.

Speaking of which, do not forget to come over on Saturday for the basement purge.

Because this post is a work in progress due to my swimming underwater I need to tell you I did not beat Ed at the “Happy Month” game. That is 2 months in a row which makes the 2014 score Me:3 and Edurado:2. I will not let him beat me. I am in training for next month and feel I will be prepared to BEAT HIS ASS! I am also thinking it would be fun to stand on his front lawn with a Bull Horn and scream “Happy Month” at midnight but I do not want to disturb Grammie.

Mother’s Day is this Sunday. Hint.Hint.

So, this happened today;

First Grader: “Mrs. C you look different. Did you cut your hair?”.

Me: “No, I did not”.

First Grader: “Did you get new glasses?”.

Me: “No”.

First Grader: ” But you look different”

Me: “Well, I have been working hard and I lost some weight”.

First Grader: “No you didn’t”.

Me: “Yes I did!”.

First Grader: “No, you are still chubby. It must be something else.”.

And then he walked away. Perfect just perfect.

Due to the ‘swimming underwater” feeling I have been experiencing lately I have made some stupid mistakes. My mind is just not where it is supposed to be. In the last few weeks I have done the following………

1. Sprinkled the cats Herpes medicine into my coffee.

2. Thrown out the full bottle of Flonase and put the empty one in the medicine cabinet. Of course I did not realize that mistake until the next morning after the garbage men had been here.

3. Thrown out a check. Thank God I caught that one before the trash went outside.

4. Gotten into my car to drive to Zumba and drove to work.

5. Walked out of the house with my slippers on. Thank goodness I noticed them getting into the car before I got to work. The students already think I am crazy.

6. Put together a baked ziti and put it into the oven but forgot to turn the oven on.

I am thinking I should not be let out of the house.

I am hoping the cuteness of this new journal will inspire me to write.

I am hoping the cuteness of this new journal will inspire me to write.

 I am also thinking that I have been working on this post for 6 days and still not feeling it but am hoping that the writing comes back just like the music did. I actually filled the journal I was writing in and started a brand new one. It’s wicked cute. I am hoping that it will inspire me to write. I have put the journal I finished into my memory drawer. I started the last journal right before Dad was diagnosed and wrote the last entry on April 30. It is a chronicle of everything that happened and even though it is too painful to read it now ( I usually reread a journal when I finish it)  I think I will be happy to read it one day.

I miss my Dad.

















8 Responses »

  1. I will help yo clean your basement! But I will throw things away when you aren’t looking! Definitely laptop…hands down. And a Mac! Mine is 6 years old and counting! And you look fabulous!

    • Thank You, Nancy! The purge is Saturday around noon, come on over! Mario wants me to get a MAC as well……we shall see.

  2. And you should miss your dad because you loved each other with all your hearts. Please Janet, as hard as it may seem, be so thankful you had the open and blessed love for each other….some children don’t ever share that…..I know it still hurts…BUT….if you didn’t share this special love and bond …you wouldn’t be hurting. Hope it helps. I llost my Dad 12 years ago and it really does get easier to let go…..never forgetting….never stop loving.

    • Nadine, Thank You. I am so very grateful he was my father and I do realize how lucky we were that he was ours. I just miss him so damn much. I think my sorrow equals my blessings which were many.I am looking forward to the time I can think of him with laughter and not tears. I plan on being in Conn. a lot this summer and hope to see you! xo

  3. a) I’m on a hot streak with the Happy Month game. Beware.
    b) What laptop did you have? Why did it die? I’m still n a MacBook Pro built in 2009…
    c) Sarah is a 9 – 9.5 and great at cleaning and organizing. Just saying’
    d) I love First Graders.
    e) Why is your cat taking herpes medicine?

    • a) I will not lose again. Beware.
      b) Let’s just say a whole glass of water spilled on the keyboard. Toast.
      c) Open door from noon on for the purge. If I find any shoes that I think will suit the stylish Sarah I will put them aside.
      d) I love First Graders. we have the best conversations.
      e) Jack was born with Feline Herpes. His mother was a tramp.
      f) I miss my Dad. (In case you forgot).

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