Tessa. Joyful Noise.

Tessa. Joyful Noise.

My head is spinning. Spinning I tell you. My Tessa Rose was married  yesterday. Actually she was married in England on her Birthday , but yesterday she and Steve had a surprise vow renewal here so we could all celebrate with her. I love Tessa. Actually, I adore Tessa so my head is spinning out of control. My heart is full and the noise is joyful.

Tessa has been and will always be a huge part of our family. I like to say she is my good daughter and I am her real mother. The truth is she has a fantastic family beginning and ending with a strong, honorable and loving Mother. She has many Aunts that are surrogate Mother’s and friends and Cousins that truly are her brother and sister. She grew up in a house full of love, laughter and music that was overseen be her beloved Papa and the indestructible Marge. She had amazing role models and a strong foundation that let her be her very own person and the brave, adventuresome, smart,woman she blossomed into. I have to say blossom instead of grew because that is exactly what Tessa does, she blossoms and she glows. She is just that special.

I have so many happy thoughts and memories of my girl. Beginning with small everyday routines like carpooling to school, playing in the yard, shopping for school clothes and hey, just plain shopping! My girl loves to shop. That is how I know she is my real daughter. We have celebrated milestones together. Some were small celebrations some were big. I hold Marissa’s 16th Birthday trip to New York as one of my favorites. I love that the 4 years Riss was away at college Tessa came to The Topsfield Fair with me. I love that her and her family’s life were so easily blended into our ours. I love that Dad was here for many of the events including the Annual Olive Street Halloween Parade and her High School Graduation. I love that he always just called her Tess. See, this is where it gets hard. I just love her.

Usually writing helps the noise and soothes my soul. Thanks to Edie Lipp I learned that writing things/thoughts down would quiet the noise but sometimes when things are too big I have a really hard time putting pen to paper or in this case fingertips to key boards. I prefer the pen to paper but whatever.  I have yet to write about Jake and Elizabeth’s wedding. It was just too much! And even though I have written either here or in my journal; every day since Dad has passed nothing seems adequate to what I am feeling or how important he was too me. How his loss is unbearable and how it feels to be swimming underwater just waiting to surface and breathe.

Well, thanks to Tessa and her happiness yesterday my head broke water and I breathed, I laughed, I cried happy tears, I danced and at the very end of the night those that were still left at the party, those of us that did not want her happiness to end, serenaded her. We were led by her husband. His song of choice, ‘My Girl”. And as much as she is Steve’s girl she will always be my girl and she will always be her own girl. She will always be Tessa Rose and I could not love her anymore that I do right at this very moment.

The Noise in my head and it is singing this.

P.S, I am having trouble adding photos to this post. I do not know why. I can not figure it out. I can not ask The Thinker because it is his Birthday and he has friends over and I can not ask Tessa because she is getting ready for her honeymoon. Whatever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *